Last night my husband and I were watching Gabriel Inglesias’ comedy special and he referred to himself as ‘fluffy’. For those who don’t know who he is, Gabriel is a morbidly obese younger than middle-aged Hispanic comedian who wears Hawaiian shirts and spends most of his routine discussing his place in the world as a ‘fluffy’ American. And no, it isn’t likely that he’s ever passed up that piece of cake. His body shows it. That he gets a bit winded through his performance isn’t all that surprising considering his size. Here is a man who actively and consciously chooses to ‘eat the cake’.
I am reminded of a quote I heard a lot in High School as I was trying to reclaim my body. The quote is “nothing tastes as good as thin feels”. I don’t entirely agree with that. At my thinnest, I was 124 pounds at 5’10” and I felt like I was dying. I awoke throughout the night in pain from my ribs, chest and stomach. I didn’t know what was causing it…I only knew if I could lose another 20 pounds, I’d at least look the way I wanted to. I’d gone to extremes…from way to heavy (see my prior blog ‘Stalk ya later’ for details on that) to way too thin. I became somewhat of a compulsive dieter. Then I took it a step further when my dance instructor let me know in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t have a solo again until I was considerably thinner. I would work out at a minimum of two hours before bed every night having had at least one dance class earlier in the day (five per week) and while playing on the varsity tennis team at my high school. When I would give in to my brain screaming that I was starving, I’d binge, and then I learned to purge. Yup…I spent eight years as a bulimic doing even more harm to my body than the initial weight gain and diet cycle could have.
Through support of my family and then boyfriend (who is now and still my husband), I worked my way out of the vicious cycle but I know that every day I make the choice to not purge. I make the choice to not binge. I make the choice to not eat the cake. I’ve tasted cake before. I’m sure it will taste the same the next time I take a bite. I don’t need to eat it every day to know that it’s still sweet and gooey. I make the choice to pay attention to what I eat. I make the choice to walk and/or exercise at least once every day because I have big plans for the rest of my life and I need all my strength, energy and time that I have possible in order to accomplish each of my goals one goal at a time. Cake isn’t going to get me there.